Consider the basses
Consider the basses. They neither toil nor spin...
As they rumble out their low frequencies, sad to say, these poor guys must also countenance numerous indignities visited upon them by their conductors and, shockingly, their fellow singers. In choral circles, they are victims of ‘vocal profiling.’
It pains me to report that the grossly unfair stereotypes of basses include (but are certainly not limited to):
pitch inaccuracies
random rhythms
unfortunate tonal choices
dynamic insensitivities
idiosyncratic articulations
generally lumbering vocalism
difficulty with foreign languages
difficulty with English
poor tolerance of sopranos
indifference to altos
resentment of tenors
trouble identifying, much less following, conductor
In addition to these—and many other—musical complaints, basses must rise above ostracizing social grievances. Basses are heartlessly characterized as:
fashion-backward
apparently color-blind
easily swayed by food and beer
conversationally challenged
low energy
frightening to children
inattentive to personal grooming
hostile to emotional display
susceptible to 'herd mentality' (albeit only among basses)
suspicious of 'concepts’
How could basses have gotten this bum rap, seemingly out of the blue?
It’s SO hard to imagine, but the veritable Niagara of complaints is probably grounded in the fact that is so darn entertaining to tease them—and they tolerate it so well (if they notice at all).
Now don't get me started about sopranos!
